Last Friday, I had the opportunity to attend “An Evening with Gloria Steinem” at Rollins College in Winter Park, Florida. I knew of her work, especially in the 1970s and 80s, focused on the feminist movement, but did not have a recent sense of her platform, her level of activism for not only women but indigenous people and same-sex marriage. It was an evening that to describe with “inspiring” does not do it justice. There were some specific points I found poignant and I want to share a few with you.
“This moment is unrepeatable.”
Her opening statement acknowledged the importance of the moment. The moment in which hundreds were gathered in a college arena to listen to a cultural and historical icon speak, that same combination of experiences, perspectives, and DNA will never be in that exact same form again. That notion, for me, immediately set a tone of collective oneness with those around me – many very different from me, many the same (and all assessment simply based on appearances).
Her statement made me realize that, in any given moment, whether shared with one, a group, or alone, is never to be repeated in precisely the same manner, with exactly the same outcome. By opening with this statement, it not only made me appreciate what was happening and of what I was a part, but also translates to any other moment that may follow in our lives.
Triangle vs. Circle
Steinem certainly had a few things to say about people in positions of privilege, whether economic privilege (acknowledging the efforts of the Occupy Wall Street movement), or male privilege, or white privilege. One core element in the maintenance of privilege is the establishment of a power structure that looks like a triangle – where the masses are at the bottom, and the few who hold the riches and the keys to rule the land sit neatly at the top.
One phrase she used that I thought had great applications in managing conflict, whether at work or at home, was, “How can we turn this discussion from a triangle to a circle?”
You see, in a circle, everyone is equal, and faces one another. What types of triangles exist in your life? When you see a triangle playing out in a meeting or even informal interaction, what role can you play (will you play) to transform it into a circle? Thinking about transforming meetings by pushing others to think more inclusively by using the triangle vs. circle model made a great deal of sense to me – and I look forward to trying it out soon.
Images of God
No topic appeared to be taboo for Steinem. Religion, and particularly religious conservatism, came up. She talked about the historical role of a certain church in the legalization and then subsequent criminalization of abortions (citing very specific historical details effortlessly). She also talked about religion and the privileges that being part of a large-scale organized religion brings.
“When images of God reflect the ruling class, you’re in deep shit,” Gloria said. There is so much power in that statement, and as I think about the images of Jesus and of God that I saw growing up as a white boy in California – they all looked like me. But historically, when all the images of God in any region where a particular religion is popular among the citizenry actually look like those in positions of power and privilege, and if you don’t match that image, as Gloria said, “You’re in deep shit.” The ruling class has, in essence, likened their image to God’s, which only fuels their continued perception they are better than others.
Fertilized Egg v. Woman
As I continue to understand the privileges I experience simply by being male in this country, probably one of my biggest a-ha moments was when Gloria discussed the social discourse around abortion and how the language is very carefully phrased to refer to “the fertilized egg.” Using this phrase, versus talking about women, their bodies, and what they may do with their bodies, helps people forget the abortion issue is about women making their own choices. It’s not about a fertilized egg – it’s about the woman, her decisions, her reproductive rights, and it is not the government’s role to tell any woman what to do with her own body.
This one made me really mad, and even after a woman during Q&A challenged this notion, Gloria respectfully and kindly acknowledged that ultimately it is about letting a woman decide whether to have an abortion…or not – and to not deny her rights to do either.
Tell Our Stories
Towards the end of the evening, Gloria stressed the importance of telling our stories. When we are presented as aggregates – women, men, heterosexuals, gays and lesbians – it is very easy, particularly for those in positions of power and privilege, to discount the impact certain policies or laws or hateful behaviors affect those in underrepresented groups. When each of us, however, gathers the courage and uses the outlets we each possess, to tell our stories, to talk about our experiences in productive ways that help others realize there are other truths different from theirs – that’s when real change of heart and mind can happen!
As a writer, this call to action resonated with me. I think of the stories about my life I have told here in the past couple of years and how it is possible that, to a reader of whom I may not even be aware, there is always the possibility someone may read a sentence or two and find comfort, joy, or inspiration. The beauty of being human is that we all have this power – through the telling of our stories in whatever way we feel most confident (some write, some paint, some sing). This call to arms was also about taking action, about doing something tomorrow, and then the next day, and the day after that. Action is critical if we ever want to make progress.
What it all means to me
As I thought about relating the many messages, both great and small, discussed on Friday night, I turned inward and thought about myself and about the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community of which I am a member. I thought about how it seems we spend so much time trying to shape how other people view our community, trying to manage perceptions and misunderstandings, minimize the myths and spread our truth. What I’m not sure we do as often in the LGBT community is spend focused time and effort looking inward, working more on how we view ourselves, and then appreciating the value and reward that can come from that type of introspection.
Growing up gay, we receive so many negative messages about who we are, being told that who and what we are is a sin, it’s an abomination, it’s ugly, or it’s just plain wrong. Not that we are damaged goods, but there has been a little damage done to each of us along the way, those that received these messages, whether infrequently or often. I tried to search on Amazon for books that were inspirational for LGBT people, that helped encourage, inspire, and heal. From what I found, those volumes are few and very far between.
This is also true on an individual level. Sometimes we spend a lot of time worrying about what other people think of us – but the reality is that no matter how much energy we put into trying to shape their perspectives, the other person, group, or entity will still see us however they want (and filtered through their own views, perceptions, and past experiences).
I see much greater rewards emerging from energy focused on caring for ourselves. When we give ourselves the proper care and feeding, physically and emotionally, that makes us a better partner, colleague, and friend to others. If we spend the time we need looking inward, we are then better equipped to care for one another. We can have the power to turn a triangle into a circle, one unrepeatable moment at a time.
Tags: Authenticity, Inspiration, postaweek2011
