At various points in my life I have had differing priorities. In my twenties, I really wanted to be in a relationship. In my thirties, after finally finding the relationship, I focused more on career development. Now, in my forties, I find they are shifting once again, looking for a sense of satisfaction across many areas of life.
I see people who really do put all of their eggs in one basket. They become consumed by a relationship because they think it will bring them all the happiness they need. They fully immerse themselves in their work, only to realize their children have grown distant and resentful, or their partner has disengaged or left. I’ve personally witnessed people who do this, eventually to their detriment.
What I have come to realize is that satisfaction, a full and complete sense of wholeness, can’t ever originate from things, people, circumstances outside of myself. There is a point when it becomes clear that anytime we give the power to “make us happy” to something or someone else, we give up the ownership and responsibility we have to generate our own happiness from within. Now, that does not mean that a loving relationship or wonderful family or a strong circle of friends do not serve as complements to one’s life and experience because they absolutely do. But if our whole sense of satisfaction and happiness is derived from these relationships, the minute something goes awry or becomes challenging or difficult, we are tossed asunder in an emotional sea.
Just as investors will tell you to diversify your portfolio, I would also suggest it’s important to do the same thing when it comes to seeking satisfaction and living your life’s purpose. Building your entire life around work, or around a person consumes you and carries with it a multitude of other side effects. But filling your life with a mix of people and activities that bring you joy, that lift your spirits, or that inspire you is healthy. Variety really is the spice of life and it’s important to maintain a balance. When we place our happiness at the whim of people, or of a singular activity, we lose sight of the bigger picture and miss out on all that life has to offer.
I find I also go through seasons where one activity is particularly engaging but another not as much. As tastes and priorities change, so, too, will these pursuits change for you. For me, starting graduate school and pursuing a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing was something I had wanted to do for some time, and the knowledge and experiences I have gained in just two semesters has brought so much into my life. Celebrating ten years with my partner in 2011 and continuing to live our lives together brings great joy and learning to me. Leading people at work gives me another sense of satisfaction; serving others and helping them to develop and grow is another element of my job I enjoy. And I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge the simple pleasures that knitting has brought me and how it continues to serve as a great activity not only for getting centered and grounded, but also as a never-ending source of creative inspiration and output.
If you find that you have allowed one activity, one person, one relationship to consume you and your life, the good news is that, ultimately, you can make the choice to do things differently. Think about how much more you could get out of life – and all that you can give to others – when you take a more balanced approach to discovering and enjoying all that life has to offer.





