Archive | Uncategorized RSS feed for this section

Honoring Our Traditions & Milestones

13 May

Image

With Queen Elizabeth II’s Diamond Jubilee only a few weeks away (2-5 June), and Gay Days for other queens in Orlando, Florida over the same weekend, I began to think about traditions and honoring our milestones.

Whether a marker in time (such as 50 years on the throne) or an annual gathering with other members of one’s tribe, our days are often filled with honored practices that acknowledge who we are, what we have done, and those whom we hold in high esteem.  The Queen will celebrate her jubilee with large events such as a horse race, a luncheon, a pageant on the River Thames, and a service of Thanksgiving.  Queens from around the globe will converge on Central Florida over the same weekend, with LGBT people of all backgrounds and proclivities, who will come together to enjoy the theme parks of the region, as well as a series of private events and parties being hosted around our fair hamlet.  I know many who see the weekend as an annual tradition, and others may save to come live it up just once.

All this celebrating and observing markers of time makes me think about my own observances: birthdays (mine in January, my partner’s in May, my father’s in August, my mother’s in December), my anniversary with my partner (July), my service anniversary with the company I work for (August).  I also think about things we do annually together as well as with friends such as take trips to New York City, attend the Orlando International Fringe Festival, enjoy our subscription to the local Broadway Series.  Even on a smaller scale, weekly, lately, we watch “Mad Men” on Friday nights, and we are working our way through “Downton Abbey,” Season 2, on Sunday nights.  

We are creatures of habit, observing our daily rituals and annual traditions.  We celebrate in grander fashion when lengthy milestones are achieved, but that doesn’t discount the smaller victories we enjoy along the way.  In this era with so much negativity and challenges at every corner, when the upsets of life and the demands of the day drain energy and enthusiasm, it is important to first remind oneself of what and who are most important and the observances that support those priorities.  More importantly, we must never lose sight of these traditions, and honor them with focus and pomp and joy and love.  

But mostly with love.

Post-Semester Haze; or Why You Should Read This Summer

29 Apr

Yesterday morning, I awoke early to finish revising two documents that, with one other, completed my semester portfolio for Advanced Graduate Writing Workshop.  Although the deadline is Monday, I gave myself until noon yesterday so I could get it done and enjoy the remainder of the weekend.  Around 9 a.m., I hit the “submit” button online and, all at once, the semester and my first year of graduate school was over.  

Then, something interesting happened.

I found myself in a sort of haze, with a feeling I had nothing to do, no place to be, and so I asked myself, what am I supposed to do?  I have grown so accustomed to having something to write, a fellow student’s creative work to critique, and if there was none of that, then there was always something to read.  But yesterday I almost didn’t know what to do with myself.

I did get reacquainted with a knitting project that was started back in February – a wonderfully soft textured scarf using baby alpaca yarn.  I knit for a while as my partner and I watched “Good Morning, America,” cheered on Milly, the world’s smallest dog (Chihuahua, weighed in at 13 oz.).

Image

I had cleaning projects to tend to around the house, but none of them were particularly inspiring.

I ran a few errands that included going to Target.  So, in my state, as you might expect, I went in searching for underwear, and walked out with that, some birthday cards, and the DVD of the 5-part HBO series, “Mildred Pierce,” starring Kate Winslet, directed by Todd Haynes.  I later enjoyed an iced doppio espresso with hazelnut and cream at Starbucks.  I felt like I was wandering through a post-semester haze.

I think I was experiencing a sort of re-entry into the atmosphere of everyday life, of making my own assignments instead of having them handed to me, of deciding what to read instead of those choices being determined by a syllabus.  Later in the afternoon, before an evening out at dinner and theater, I started reading the first book on my summer reading list…

Image

I couldn’t go a single day without having a book in progress, which, I think, is one of the many things I came to grow so fond of while school was in session.  I thought about my paternal grandmother, Doris, who, when we would visit, would always have a small stack of library books on the buffet near the front door.  She always had a book in progress – whether novel or nonfiction, Barbara Cartland or a biography – but she was consistently feeding her mind.  And in only a few hours between the official finish of my semester and when I picked up the On the Road, I felt a noticeable gap, something missing.

For me, this is the acknowledgement that the first year is complete, that I have a window of time to take care of all else that needs to get done, and to continue the momentum that has been created – whether that is spending time reading books of my choosing, or writing my own creative work.

For you, my kind readers, this is a reminder that reading is a good thing.  It is an act of escape, of understanding, of intellectual stimulation.  Yes, please.  Read something!

Read something that makes you think, that challenges you even slightly.  Don’t submit to the condescending tone and topics of the mainstream genres.  Resist the urge to pick up one of those books that insults your intelligence, is disappointingly formulaic, or simply titillates without substance.  Instead, look for something smart, something intriguing, something unlike you have ever read before.  Dig into the New York Times Bestseller List, or dig back into the archives and find a classic you’ve always wanted to read but haven’t gotten around to it.  Whether Woolf or Wolff, find something that entertains, enlightens, and creates an escape, if only for just a brief moment.

Enjoy the summer, and yes, please, read something.

 

Almost Done with Year One

11 Apr

Image

The morning started off like most and as I picked up my phone from its charger before leaving the house for work, I noticed I had new email.  I tapped on the icon and noticed there was an email from UCF School of Graduate Studies.  This was it.  I had spent the previous year preparing for this moment.  Would I be accepted into the Creative Writing MFA Program?  

I opened up the email and saw the words I had kept envisioning in my own mind for some time (thanks to watching “The Secret” over and over again).  The note began, “We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted…”  I had been accepted!  No matter how old you are, getting a letter of acceptance remains a great thrill.  This was in March, 2011.

Now, I have about two weeks remaining in the spring semester, and I can’t believe my first year of graduate study is drawing to a close.  I’ve been reflecting a lot on everything I’ve done since August.  My nervousness at orientation and near melt down in week one when I wondered what I had gotten myself into.  My increasing confidence with each new assignment returned with high marks, realizing that I can, in fact, complete the homework as assigned.  The books that I have read (and more books, and then a few more books).  The annotations and response papers written for each of the books read.  The creative pieces I’ve done.  These are all in the formal context of the academic experience and I have learned an incredible amount in just two semesters.

There have been other experiences, though, related to my program, that would not have occurred had I not joined the program, that have been really great for me.  Early in the fall semester, I was asked to join two other students in starting up a literary reading series for MFA students in the area.  It’s been very successful and has provided a great place for students to share their works in progress and get experience reading in public.  I’ve read my work in public twice at Parcels (the reading series referenced), but also out of one of those readings, was invited to read at another local literary event, “There Will Be Words,” which resulted in having a piece of mine published in a chapbook produced by Burrow Press.  In early March, I went to Chicago to attend the Association of Writers and Writing Programs conference – an incredibly informative and inspiring experience for me as well.

Lastly, but probably most important, is that this year has introduced into my life a completely new community of friends, a community of fellow writers with whom to commiserate and encourage and to exchange constructive critique.  I have learned so much from my fellow students and literary colleagues and that, I believe, is what has made this program so unique and, frankly, so special to me.

There are no accidents, and as this school year approaches its end, I know this is precisely where, at 42, I am supposed to be.

Meeting D.A. Powell

18 Mar

Image

I recently had the opportunity to travel to Chicago and attend the annual Association of Writers & Writing Programs conference.  Over ten thousand attendees participate in hundreds of workshops and off-site readings and events.  It was quite an affair that lasted for four days and beyond.  Weeks prior to the conference, I was reviewing the online schedule of offerings and discovered Graywolf Press was hosting a reading of a few of its featured authors – and one of them was going to be D.A. Powell.

I encountered Powell’s books of poetry with titles like Cocktails, Tea, and Lunch, and found myself lost not only in the experimental nature of the work (I had never seen poetry like his before), but also in the experiences he infused into his work – much of it about life in the 1980s and 90s and the evolution of the AIDS epidemic.  There is depth to conjure thought, while also pop culture references to warm one’s heart.  Once I read Tea I ordered each of his books and all that have followed.  

The day of the reading came, and I arrived at the ballroom 90 minutes early.  Initially, I was the only person in the ballroom, but I got the aisle seat in the second row.  (The first row was reserved; otherwise, I would’ve sat there.)  I enjoyed the peaceful respite from the chaotic tumult of the conference atmosphere, then attendees began to filter into the ballroom.  My eyes fluttered around the room, constantly on the watch for Mr. Powell.  Sporting jeans, a sweater, and a wool ski-style cap, he walked in and I have to admit this was the first time I have been starstruck in the literary sense.  I’ve not had the opportunity to be such a fan of a particular writer and then see them in person.  But here he was and I was prepared to see him read.

As if the anticipation wasn’t already at an intense level, the publisher who welcomed everyone shared the order in which the authors would read, Powell was fifth to read.  I tried diligently to listen closely to the authors who preceded him, but it was a challenge to stay focused, only anxiously awaiting to hear him read work from his new book, Useless Landscape or A Guide for Boys.  Eventually he took the stage, and as he spoke his personality emerged, his radiant smile, his sharp sense of humor.  I was enraptured, hanging on every word, taking photos with my phone while trying not to miss a phrase in the process.  The time he spent on stage seemed to fly by, but I was grateful to have had the opportunity to see him on stage and hear him read.  Then, the publisher made a closing comment: “The authors you’ve seen here today will all be gathered in the Expo Hall to sign their books.”  I knew what I needed to do next.

I had secretly hoped for this moment, and because I already had his new book (and brought it with me, in the slight chance I had the opportunity for Mr. Powell to sign my book), I knew where I needed to go next.  I wound through the crowds down hallways and staircases to get to the Graywolf Press booth at the expo.  I pulled my book out of my backpack and I lingered, loitered really, stalking the booth waiting for Powell to appear.  He arrived just a few minutes later and an informal queue formed.  I was third in line.  My heart began to beat heavy in my chest.

The people in front of me stepped away and there I was, face to face with D.A. Powell.  This is how I remember that brief conversation:

Me:  Good morning!

DA:  And good morning to you!  [Leans over to read my name on my credentials.]

Me:  [Nervous and flustered, I handed him my copy of his new book.]

DA:  [Opens to signing page] And you are Brian Crimmins?!

Me:  I am!

DA:  [Signs book.  Hands it to me.]

Me:  Thank you so much.  Have a great day!

DA:  [Shakes hands]  You, too.

As I walked away, the first thing that came to my mind was, “I am such a douche bag!  Why the hell didn’t I say anything?”  Negative self-talk flooded my mind as I conjured so many other things I wanted to or should have told Powell in that auspicious meeting!  I tried to put all of that aside and simply enjoy the glow of the moment.  Having had a few weeks to reflect on that moment, I would like to recreate the conversation in the form I would have preferred it to go:

Me:  Good morning!

DA:  Good morning to you!  [Glancing at credentials] You’re Brian Crimmins?

Me:  I am, but more importantly, you are D.A. Powell and although I am not a poet, I have scoured everything you’ve published and seeing how you express yourself, how you tell the stories of your life, images of people who have changed you, I was inspired to pursue my dream of writing and of returning to school to get my M.F.A.  

DA:  I’m glad that happened – and here you are!

Me:  But more importantly, here YOU are, and I really want to thank you for writing what you write, for putting your personal voice into the world, so that others, like myself, can read it all, learn from it, and be incredibly and wholeheartedly inspired.

DA:  Well, Brian [handing me my book with his signature inside], I appreciate that.

There were clearly things I didn’t say in that short meeting, and I’ve also gotten to a place where the fact I said very little has come to mean less and less.  Instead, I simply bask in that moment when I shook Powell’s hand, traded a few kind words, and was, in some notable way, changed.

Is the Coming Out Story Dead?

4 Mar

I just returned home from four wonderful days in Chicago attending the Association of Writers & Writing Programs 2012 conference.  The experience was both overwhelming and incredibly inspiring and I know I will spend much time reviewing all of my notes and considering how to apply what I’ve learned to my work.

In one session I attended, “Queer for You: Building an Enduring Readership for LGBT Authors,” author and editor Raphael Kadushin, a member of the panel, noted “there’s enough coming out stories in the market, they’ve been done before.”  He went on to say, “Queer literature requires the essential quality of good writing.”  This made me pause, particularly as a gay memoir writer, and as I thought about a few of the recent pieces I have written.  I wondered if the Coming Out memoir is a thing of the past.

Kadushin was speaking from his role as Acquisitions Director and Editor for University of Wisconsin Press, and his reference point was his own experience attempting to get larger booksellers to sell and market Queer literature.  As I think about this more, my view is broader, and isn’t only limited to the mass market.  I disagree that the Coming Out story has been told or is a tired thing of the past, but I do agree that always, good writing is required.

There are many elements to the Coming Out story which can make it unique and compelling, an exploration of coming of age, of the world opening up, of new experiences and the affect those experiences have on the individual.  I wonder if the term, “Coming Out Story” is too limiting, and by its very nature, isolating this variety of memoir.  Coming Out is part of the overall experience of a Queer person’s Coming of Age.  The Coming of Age story is in a broader context, and includes the tumultuous blend of sexuality, friendship (and betrayal), self-esteem (and its absence), learning, making mistakes, and discovering the self.  Coming Out is simply the act of accepting yourself and identifying yourself to others as queer (or LGBTQI, etc.).

If we assume the term “Coming of Age” to define this aspect of Queer Literature, then the window is broader, and stands on level terms with so many hundreds of stories that are published that talk about the growing up experiences of heterosexual people.  We don’t have other terms to isolate their stories into some corner, and we certainly don’t hear mainstream publishers saying, “The Coming of Age story has been told before, it’s time for something new.”  I would suggest we expand our vernacular, and instead of reducing our histories/herstories to a simple act of personal disclosure, we embrace the full umbrella the Coming of Age story provides.

Queer writers must assume, then, the responsibility of continuing to evolve, deconstruct, and reconstruct the ways in which we tell our Coming of Age stories.  We are called to experiment with form and genre, with words and lines, and lyricism.  The Queer Coming of Age story continues to evolve and continues to be new and fresh because each one that is told is done so in the context of a different day, decade, or era of equality (or not, or some).  This type of memoir, of a gay man’s coming of age, for example, told by someone who did so in the mid-1970s would be very different from someone who came out last year.  A lesbian who came out when she was 16 would have a different recollection of her experience of coming of age than that of a lesbian who came out later in life.  

The Queer Coming of Age memoir then requires us to acknowledge the unique elements of our own experiences and to use language to lionize them and to incorporate them into the modern canon of Queer Literature on a small or grand scale.  What is required of all Queer writers is, that to whatever degree we can, we put forth our best work – whether in a small chapbook or a larger project – and that always, when we speak our own truths, when we acknowledge the power of our own voices, does our authenticity valiantly emerge.

Seeking Satisfaction: A Balanced Approach

19 Feb

At various points in my life I have had differing priorities.  In my twenties, I really wanted to be in a relationship.  In my thirties, after finally finding the relationship, I focused more on career development.  Now, in my forties, I find they are shifting once again, looking for a sense of satisfaction across many areas of life.  

I see people who really do put all of their eggs in one basket.  They become consumed by a relationship because they think it will bring them all the happiness they need.  They fully immerse themselves in their work, only to realize their children have grown distant and resentful, or their partner has disengaged or left.  I’ve personally witnessed people who do this, eventually to their detriment.

What I have come to realize is that satisfaction, a full and complete sense of wholeness, can’t ever originate from things, people, circumstances outside of myself.  There is a point when it becomes clear that anytime we give the power to “make us happy” to something or someone else, we give up the ownership and responsibility we have to generate our own happiness from within.  Now, that does not mean that a loving relationship or wonderful family or a strong circle of friends do not serve as complements to one’s life and experience because they absolutely do.  But if our whole sense of satisfaction and happiness is derived from these relationships, the minute something goes awry or becomes challenging or difficult, we are tossed asunder in an emotional sea.

Just as investors will tell you to diversify your portfolio, I would also suggest it’s important to do the same thing when it comes to seeking satisfaction and living your life’s purpose.  Building your entire life around work, or around a person consumes you and carries with it a multitude of other side effects.  But filling your life with a mix of people and activities that bring you joy, that lift your spirits, or that inspire you is healthy.  Variety really is the spice of life and it’s important to maintain a balance.  When we place our happiness at the whim of people, or of a singular activity, we lose sight of the bigger picture and miss out on all that life has to offer.

I find I also go through seasons where one activity is particularly engaging but another not as much.  As tastes and priorities change, so, too, will these pursuits change for you.  For me, starting graduate school and pursuing a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing was something I had wanted to do for some time, and the knowledge and experiences I have gained in just two semesters has brought so much into my life. Celebrating ten years with my partner in 2011 and continuing to live our lives together brings great joy and learning to me.  Leading people at work gives me another sense of satisfaction; serving others and helping them to develop and grow is another element of my job I enjoy.  And I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge the simple pleasures that knitting has brought me and how it continues to serve as a great activity not only for getting centered and grounded, but also as a never-ending source of creative inspiration and output.

If you find that you have allowed one activity, one person, one relationship to consume you and your life, the good news is that, ultimately, you can make the choice to do things differently.  Think about how much more you could get out of life – and all that you can give to others – when you take a more balanced approach to discovering and enjoying all that life has to offer.

 

A Conversation with Marion Roach Smith

1 Feb

Image

Last summer, before I started my MFA Program at University of Central Florida, I was reading a lot of books about writing memoir.  It was then I stumbled across The Memoir Project: A Thoroughly Non-Standardized Text for Writing & Life by Marion Roach Smith.  The prose was engaging, the personal anecdotes captivating, and I was intrigued by the author’s point of view on things like writing exercises and prompts.  During the fall semester, I made contact with Marion via email and after a few exchanges we found the opportunity to speak last week.  

In 1983, Marion, age 26 at the time and working at The New York Times, wrote the first first-person account of Alzheimer’s disease.  Her mother was 51 and had been diagnosed with the disease, at that time something unfamiliar to most.  The New York Times Magazine let Marion write the story and she ended up on the Today show the next day to talk about her experiences.  ”It was a game changer,” she said, “I hadn’t thought I was writing memoir, but of course I was.”

As we discussed the evolution of memoir as a genre, Marion agreed that it should be considered a genre and within it, “you could write about your great-grandfather to yesterday’s lunch.  You could write personal essays or op-ed pieces for local newspapers.  You could write long-form memoir or about one particular thing in your life.”  Marion also acknowledges the importance of social media and, in particular, blogging.  ”Blogging has had a huge impact – it’s like this hammer we hit the big old memoir with and broke it into pieces.  It makes the genre more flexible.”

In addition to writing four books, Marion also teaches memoir writing workshops.  Years ago, she was on the board of a local arts center where she opined one too many times about the class offering entitled, “Getting in touch with the right side of your brain using your angel feather.”  Finally, they suggested Marion teach the class.  She does not use angel feathers or address the genre in metaphysical terms.  Instead she says, “I believe in the hard chair, lots of caffeine, and you sit there until you get the thing done.  I teach about writing with intent.  I don’t do exercises and prompts and try to get students going to the form they really love or other forms they haven’t yet considered. It started as kind of a dare, but fourteen years later, it’s been really successful and I’m teaching all over the place now.”

When Marion and I traded emails last fall, I was taking a “Teaching Creative Writing” class at school.  I was intrigued by her adamant rejection of writing exercises and prompts so I asked her more about that when we spoke.  ”Writing exercises are the quickest road to hell.  They give you the sense you’re good at this writing thing.  They give a false sense of security that you don’t need. You need to get to the work.”  I was curious, though, how does she then teach people memoir writing without giving them an opportunity to try new techniques.  ”We motivate them by the work of others.  We don’t write in class, we read in class.  We start with the personal essay – it’s the best way to learn how to write.  750 words or fewer and it’s about you.”  Much of her six-week course focuses on students reading their work to each other.  While some continually revise one piece for the entire six weeks, others write a new piece each week.  

The inspiration for The Memoir Project book came from her sister, Margaret Roach, former Editorial Director for Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia.  Margaret stepped away from her corporate job in Manhattan to live peacefully in the country, but found when she sat down to write about her experience in doing so, it was difficult.  ”I’m struggling,” Margaret told Marion, “what do you tell your students?”  Marion sent provocations to her sister through email and Margaret told Marion she should put them into a book.  ”We self-published it as sisters with a different title and cover.  We sold every copy, then called our agent and said, ‘Look what we made!’  She loved the book, took it to auction, and sold it to my favorite publisher.  I love this little book.”

I asked Marion what her greatest advice would be for memoir writers.  ”It would be to take the chances of writing in non-traditional form.  Try making a list.  What did you take when you walked out of a horrible relationship.  Take some chances.  There are  recipes for bad relationships – I’d love to see what yours is.  Don’t just think of memoir as that one big book – take a crack at something smaller, cooler, harder, that will bring you to your knees.”  And, though no surprise, when asked what her counsel would be to those who teach memoir, she replied, “No more writing prompts!  I would like them to try it without them, I really would.  Exercises are just barriers – throw them away.”

Through our email exchange, we also learned that, in addition to having our passion for writing in common, we are also both knitters.  I couldn’t finish our conversation without asking her about her current knitting project.  ”I had this sweater I bought in Paris years ago and I wore it to death.  It’s a psychedelic orange in mohair and silk.  I have set out to copy it in a combination of mohair, linen, and nylon – it’s delicious!”  She was kind enough to ask me about my latest projects and recalled a recent blog post of mine in which I wrote about My Foray into Fair Isle.  ”That’s the beauty of knitting,” she said, “What a joy!”

To order copies of “The Memoir Project,” visit this page on Amazon.com.

To visit Marion’s wonderful website with great tips on writing, visit The Memoir Project.

Image

 

My Foray into Fair Isle

8 Jan

Image

Over my Winter break from graduate school, I took the time to get reacquainted with my knitting.  First, I overcame my anxiety over knitting socks and successfully knit two pair.  Then, as many knitters do, I began exploring patterns and looking for inspiration when I found the pattern and instructional videos for a Fair Isle hat.

At first glance, Fair Isle knitting looks incredibly complicated.  People gaze at these types of projects in amazement wondering how exactly they are created.  I, too, had similar trepidation at the thought of knitting something in a Fair Isle motif but as I began to learn more, I learned a few things that helped me complete the two projects pictured in this post.

In Fair Isle knitting, you never use more than two colors on any given row.

These patterns are deceiving because it appears as if the colors overlap or are intertwined in some form or fashion.  The reality is that the project is knit one row at a time, and you use a chart to know when to knit with Color A or Color B.  It may appear as if multiple colors are being used on the same row, but according to what I have read, only two colors should be used on any given row.

In Fair Isle knitting, most of the stitches are basic knits and purls.

In sweater construction, I am sure there are other types of stitches used, but in hats and scarfs as pictured above, I used nothing more than the knit stitch and the purl stitch.  No fancy footwork here!

In Fair Isle knitting, it is critical to watch tension and make sure you are not tightening the colors that are carried across the row.

When you switch from one color to another on a row, you carry the yarn across the previous stitches made from the other color you are using.  When doing this, it is important to keep the tension light and to not tighten the carried yarn.  This will create puckers in your fabric and your project will not lay flat.  This was a point illuminated in a video I watched and it was extremely helpful to note as I worked on these two projects.

In Fair Isle knitting, the inspiration is endless.

Although I’m not sure I will finish it before the Spring semester begins tomorrow, I have started a second Fair Isle hat using the same pattern as pictured.  I have, however, changed the colors, and I have found an alternate 13-row pattern to repeat around the crown of the hat.  That is what I love about this — you master a pattern and then you can morph it by altering the color selections, the designs on the item, and so much more.

Whatever your art may be, find new inspiration as the year begins by learning a new technique, something that not only builds your skills, but that takes your art in exciting new directions!

What 2011 Taught Me

1 Jan

Image

On this, the first day of the New Year, I thought I would take a few minutes to highlight some things that 2011 taught me.

Sock knitting, like most challenges, gets easier with diligent and perseverant effort.

I have written other posts about my love/hate relationship with sock knitting.  When I first took lessons and constructed my initial pair of socks under supervision, they seemed like fairly easy projects.  Later, however, when I attempted to recreate that experience while flying solo, the second pair ended in moderate disaster.  But as year’s end drew closer, I revisited socks, found some fantastic tutorial videos, and decided to master the technique using double-pointed needles and worsted weight yarn (instead of finer sock yarn) and found great success.  Two pairs completed.

What that experience also gave me was more confidence in now returning to regular sock knitting with smaller needles and yarn because I have been able to practice the basic techniques.  Ultimately, sock knitting is not difficult and unless you are using some fancy pattern, a good solid pair of socks involves knitting and purling and decreases.  My prior problem was stitch positioning using Magic Loop technique and picking up stitches.  DPNs took care of the Magic Loop issue, and the videos got me through picking up stitches.  I think I’m ready to work on more sock projects in the future.

Believing in myself isn’t always easy, but when I do it, I can make my goals come to life.

At 41, I feel good about the place I am at for this point in my life.  But for the last few years I have had a nagging dream to return to college to get my Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing degree.  First, I didn’t believe I could, after being out of college for a very long time, comfortably score well enough on the Graduate Record Exam.  Finally, I took two months to study, scheduled my test appointment, and I did it.  Then, I focused on my portfolio and gathered best practices from friends who are MFA graduates.  In March 2011, I received notification that I had, in fact, been accepted to the MFA program at University of Central Florida.

This milestone was months in the making and represented so much to me and helped me gain confidence I would need to dive in to my studies as the Fall semester began.  I won’t lie and say it was easy.  In fact, my first week I had that moment driving to school one evening where I thought to myself, “What the hell have I done?  What have I signed up for?”  But as I had an opportunity to meet my fellow students and began to actively engage in the learning process, I gained confidence once again and found that I really could do what I had set my mind to.  It was a “Make it work!” moment and that I did.

The sanctity of “marriage” has more to do with who is involved, not whether our legal system accounts for all relationships or not.

On a political note, I think there were even more examples of situations that illuminated that the “sanctity of marriage” as enforced by a law or court ruling has much more to do with the people in the relationship than it does with said law or ruling.  I understand there are benefits and privileges that come with governmentally sanctioned marriages; but ultimately, one of the most important things I learned this year as I celebrated my 10th anniversary with my partner is that we don’t need anyone to “sanction” our relationship as significant, meaningful, special, romantic, or valuable to society.  As one of the characters in “Too Wong Foo…” says, “Your approval is neither desired nor required!”  

Whether the government sanctions or acknowledges my longtime relationship with my partner or not, the reality is that I have this amazing bond with the man I love and who loves me in return.  No political party or government can ever impede on that or take that away from me — but being able to enjoy the over 1,000 benefits and privileges heterosexual couples garner by marrying would certainly be icing on the cake.  (And the best part is that when same-sex marriage eventually passes, nobody currently able to get married loses out on a darn thing!)

For those that claim that allowing same-sex marriage destroys the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman, I simply ask this question:  Would relationships be better in general if we focused on tending to those relationships instead of fighting for something that wouldn’t be lost anyway?  So many opponents fight to maintain the sanctity of marriage – but after any news broadcast it’s easy to wonder what sanctity is there?  Kim Kardashian’s 72-day debacle?  The eventual dissolution between Ashton and Demi?  Political resignations for leaving the country with a girlfriend or sexting naked photos of oneself (and not to one’s spouse)?  

If the propaganda focused more on how to make relationships better across the board (rather than furthering the illusion that one type of relationship is “better” than another) I wonder how much better life would be for everyone.

Happy New Year!

 

How do I do it?

27 Nov

With only two class meetings to attend and two final papers to submit, my first semester in graduate school draws to a close.  Part of me recalls the joy and exuberance I felt in March of this year when I received the email I was accepted.  Then, I recall how incredibly tough I was on myself the first week of the semester, my confidence nearly shattered.  But as I sit here now, reflecting on the semester in its entirety, I know that I am changed because of it all.  I’ve met some really nice people, all on their own respective artistic journeys.  I’ve learned so much, not only from professors, but also from fellow students.  In a short period of time, I’ve learned to look at things differently and my learning has enjoyed immediate application along the way.

People often say to me, “I don’t know how you have a full-time job and take two college classes and still have a life!”  I’ve thought about this question for some time and so I thought I’d put a few thoughts down about what has helped me enjoy this semester so much.

Clarity of Purpose

It sounds obvious, but one thing I have never wavered from is having clarity of purpose.  School is one of my top priorities and by making it so, that has made making decisions about what to do or not do easier.  Have I missed out on a few things?  Yes, of course.  There is only so much time in a day.  But because I’m pursuing my personal passion, my homework consists of reading and writing – two things I love to do.  

Having a very clear vision of what you want to accomplish anchors in your psyche the compass that guides your every action, and that purpose is used as a filter for all that you do.

Time Management

It’s an overused term, I agree.  But a little planning and setting aside specific time to do what needs to get done has been a critical success factor for me.  On certain evenings or on weekends, I know I need to complete certain assignments because if I don’t do them at that moment, they won’t get done on time.  And submitting any assignment late is not an option for me.  

It also involves learning to say no.  This hearkens back to having clarity of purpose – if you are clear about your end result, your ultimate goal, you make decisions about the use of time in a way that supports that goal.

It’s Not Easy

Perhaps I have made the process look easy to those with whom I work or to close friends.  They see me enjoying school, which I absolutely do, but they do not see the hard work that happens when I am alone, facing the blank computer screen to write a creative sketch, or the hours spent researching to find a few quotes on a very specific topic.  And, as I did just yesterday, in one day, writing a 3,200 word 10-page draft of a paper.

What I have learned in all of this is that many of the cliched life lessons we hear are true.  You get out of something what you put into it.  Manage time, don’t let time manage you.  Anything worth doing is worth doing well.  Whatever bumper sticker you subscribe to, what I know for sure is that it makes all the difference when you are doing something you love, when you follow your passion.  It never feels like work.  I don’t find myself saying, “Ugh, I have to go to class again.”  All that I am doing and learning is, in some way, contributing to the pursuit of my art.  And that is, to me, what it’s all about.

← Older Entries

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 30 other followers