Tag Archives: Inspiration

Learning to speak one’s truth

10 Jul

The author as a boy, with father and family dog

Although we have freedom of speech guaranteed in our nation’s constitution, it is increasingly challenging to speak one’s truth, particularly if the viewpoint expressed veers from current public sentiment.

I am an only child, and growing up I was quiet, shy and often kept to myself.  I did this partly out of self-preservation (to avoid name calling and bullying from other children), and partly because my home, my room, my thoughts, were the few places I could go to where I could be fully myself.  In those places, I had to expend no extra energy to simply be.

As I’ve grown up, however, I’ve come to understand the importance of being able to effectively articulate my truth.  I certainly think these thoughts, and perhaps even write them in my notebook, but to express my views publicly for consumption by others is something that has taken a while for me to fully appreciate.  I also know I continue to learn the best ways to do that.

It requires courage to speak your truth.

Sharing what is true for you can be difficult because it is a tough message to share, or perhaps it is a sensitive topic, or your perspective does not align with majority society at a given moment.  In moments where I wonder if I should speak up, I ask myself:  What is the cost of my not speaking up?  How will I feel about this experience or situation?  How will I feel about myself if I don’t speak up?

Typically, asking myself these and other similar questions helps clarify for me the importance of speaking up and out.

For effective two-way communication, you have to entertain the possibility that what is true for you may not be true for someone else – and be prepared to accept it may never be.

We are all unique individuals with distinct personalities and perspectives.  We are bound to disagree, but it we can do so in a spirit of seeking understanding and not to win, or dominate, or convert, that gives both parties the freedom to speak what is true for each of them, while also letting go of any expectation that the other person change their views or values to align with your own.

When you attempt to convert someone to your way of thinking, or notably judge them for not having a popular perspective, you only establish a solid foundation for future conflict and you can potentially cut off future communication, opening the door for arguments, anger and misunderstanding.

Keep your intentions in check.

Not only is it important to know what you are saying, what is true for you, and to decide to speak up, but it’s also important to be clear about why you are sharing what you are sharing.  Our intentions, if positive or favorable, could drive us to share some unsettling news or feedback with someone so they may respond to allegations or take responsibility to turn the situation around.

If we, on the other hand, are using self-expression as a weapon to tear someone else down, to wound them emotionally or tarnish their reputation, then reconsider.  Words have the power to heal or harm – use yours for good.

What I’ve learned about speaking my truth

This week I’ve had a few conversations emerge in which I was fired up, where I felt like an injustice had taken place, or when I felt something needed to be addressed.  Now, most of those close to me know I do not typically get fired up about something, and that it often takes a great deal of poking and nagging to get me to the point of frustration and anger.

Because the frequency of these scenarios was notable for the week in question, I began to consider why was I getting fired up and why was I compelled to take time to have a conversation with someone or write to someone to express concern or disdain for circumstances or scenarios of which I am uncomfortable.  I finally realized that there is, in anyone’s life, that one moment where you realize that staying silent is no longer an option, that speaking what is true for you is everyone’s right, including your own, and you will, then, share accordingly.

I decided last week that the days of my staying silent and allowing injustice to continue and poison our society are over.  No longer will I keep my thoughts to myself, but will share them in a way that engages people to talk more about issues or questions, to keep communication lines open between me and others, and to honor that, like everyone else who steps forward and shares what is true for them, I, too, have the right, ability and platform to do the same.

And now is my season to do precisely that with the style and grace I have been equipped.  And as I prepare to start my graduate studies next month, the level of academic success I achieve will be commensurate with my ability to engage in the discussion in an authentic and transparent manner.


Honoring our rituals

19 Jun

The author reflects on the rituals of his life.

Today is Father’s Day in the United States.  It is a day we honor our fathers, living or passed, their contributions and the legacy they have given to us, whether tangible or intangible.  I live on the opposite coast from my father, so we enjoyed a phone conversation earlier, then he was off to his yard work.  This observance falls on a Sunday, another day full of ritual and tradition.  All of this made me think about my own rituals and traditions and made me wonder what yours are, too.

Sundays, for me, are a blend of sanctuary and preparation.

If we’re not traveling, Sunday mornings are time for enjoying the sanctuary of our home.  We wake in the 8 o’clock hour, have coffee and coffee cake, and we watch the CBS Sunday Morning Show.  Not only does the program spark dialogue on various topics, it has also introduced us to a variety of activities in New York City which we’ve been able to incorporate into our frequent visits there.

The morning is for renewal.  Perhaps the night before was a bit on the raucous side and sleeping in to cure a hangover is in order.  Perhaps a good night’s rest was had by all and we awaken to a peaceful, still morning to help us ease into the day.  Regardless of the circumstance, we enjoy the combination of good coffee, interesting television, and enjoying time with each other.

The afternoon changes the course of the day, focusing my attention on the week to come.  Perhaps I’ll review my calendar and plan out the week at work.  I’ll do my laundry, change the sheets on the bed, put out clean towels, and make sure all is begun anew for Monday to arrive.

Is morning coffee a ritual?

If an alien anthropologist were to arrive in our neighborhood and monitor our behavior, he would note some fundamental patterns.  Morning coffee would be the first he would notice.  Brushing teeth at the same time each day?  A ritual.  Taking the same route to work at the same time each day?  Rituals.

Sometimes I think we take the seemingly mundane activities of a given day lightly, brushing them off as simply means to an end (of the day, of life).  Sometimes, it is engaging in the simplest of tasks that illuminates the beauty of everyday life.  It is not the milestones or grand fetes we enjoy that mark the mass of our lives – it is the quiet, simple moments we enjoy alone or with those close and special to us that amount to the quantity and often the quality of our lives.

Honor your rituals, great and small.

Think about the rituals in which you partake every day.  Do you engage in your art or creative passion regularly?  Do you spend time with your partner, extended family or pets at regular intervals of a day, a week?  Do you play tennis at the club on Saturday mornings?  These moments are the content of our lives.

If we based our assessment of life on the large celebrations and rites of passage, we would miss a great deal of data that would lead us to elevated conclusions about our quality of experience.  Think about the simple things you do every day and take a moment to honor that ritual, the tradition of what you are doing.  It may be daily, it may be annual – regardless of its timing and frequency, take a moment to consciously consider and honor what you are doing and why.

Don’t let another drive to work pass without considering the importance of the drive to get you to a job that pays you a wage that allows you to do what you need or want to do.  Being at home when the school bus pulls up to drop off the kids isn’t just an obligation, it’s an opportunity to share your children’s excitement or heartbreak after a joyous or grueling day at school.  Even having 30 minutes to sit quietly and knit or write or read isn’t simply the acts themselves, but opportunities to release the stress of the day, to open one’s mind to new techniques or insights.

Don’t underestimate the power of a moment.

Appreciate every moment for its value, its deceitful simplicity.  A kiss on the cheek could be your last.  A smile exchanged could be the last before a period of trouble takes the smile away.  If you miss what you are doing today because you are too focused on what may happen tomorrow, next month, two years from now, you are missing your life, the true and authentic content of what actually is.

The future is only speculation.  By taking time to acknowledge, enjoy, and even swim in the present moment, we can enjoy the fullness of what is happening right now, the only truth there is, reality as we know it.  By taking more opportunities to acknowledge, enjoy and appreciate the rituals of your life, I hope you find greater joy in your heart.

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Please take a moment to share some of your rituals, for a certain day or observance, or something you do everyday and what those rituals mean to you.  I’d love to hear from you!

 

Nostalgia: The Double-Edged Sword

5 Jun

“The point of power is always in the present moment,” wrote Louise Hay in her book You Can Heal Your Life.  

I suppose, if you are attempting to make changes in your life, that is true.  In this moment, nothing matters more than what you decide to do next – and nothing that has come before this moment has control over your next move.

But how often do we get caught up in reflecting on the past, yearning for how things were, and memories often fueled by regret?  We wonder how things would have played out if we made different choices.  There is the personal side to looking back and reflecting that can keep us stalled or fuel us into our future.

There is also the general kind of sentimentalism, wishing it was another time, an earlier year that, in the context of today’s world, seemed simpler, slower, with fewer distractions and greater joy (or perhaps, less).  We wish we could revisit people with whom we have lost contact, or could spend a few minutes with those we have lost for good in this life.  We recall times in our lives when we may have been happier, and then hunger to be that person in that space all over again.

It doesn’t work out that way.

Our inherent drive is for continued survival – and we can only continue to evolve and pursue our goals when we truly acknowledge and live by the axiom that the past is over and done, not to be relived, not to be repeated, only to be learned from and then left behind in its own context.

We share our lives with so many people – our partners and significant others, our families, our friends (and the myriad varying degrees of authenticity in those friendships), colleagues, fellow club or team members – and I’m not sure where it came from, but there’s a saying that says “people enter your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”  How true that is.

We share parts of our history with every person with whom we encounter – and sometimes, no matter how much we want to have things the way they were, we must admit that we are all evolving people, and any moment – whether last week or last decade – can never be replicated.

Woody Allen’s new film, “Midnight in Paris,” addresses the theme of nostalgia and meditates on the maudlin yearning we periodically have for earlier times in our lives, or even before we were born, because we perceive them as better times.  The reality is that each era, decade, or generation carries with it its own benefits and shortcomings and we can assume life was better years ago – but when we think about taking action toward our goals, I return to the quote that opened this post:  ”The point of power is in present moment.”

When I find myself in such a sentimental mood, I often look to films I know will tug at my heart, yielding a much needed cry, or a movie that affirms my emotional state in a given moment, validating my mood.  Such a film is “The Way We Were” with Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford.  The part that always gets me is the closing scene where two people who have shared notable portions of life together come to the realization that their season has come to a close.

We may find ourselves in such a position with a relationship, a friend, an event or memory, a time in life where we may have been happier (or, perhaps, didn’t know better).  But Katie and Hubble (in the clip below) dabble in denial for only a moment before realizing that, barring another chance encounter, their paths would likely not cross again.  Perhaps Katie would look back on that moment years later and wish her life with Hubble had continued, but the bottom line is that in order to move forward in her own life, and he in his, they needed to make decisions about putting the past in context with the present.

 

So, despite the moments in which we may find ourselves hungry for a dose of a simpler time, it comes down to a question we must answer for ourselves:  Can much come from spending time focused on the way we were or can more benefit and gain come from focusing effort and energy on who we want to become?

4 tips to move closer to living your passion

30 May

“How do you find the time to do what you love?” he asked.

I was having a glass of wine with a close friend the other day.  He asked me about things I’ve been doing recently and, of course, I talked about my blog, about spinning yarn, I showed him a photo of a baby blanket I had just finished knitting and also mentioned a few TV shows of interest I watched in the past week.

My friend has a passion for photography.  He is well traveled and his home is a showcase for his spectacular photographs capturing his myriad adventures.  I’ve seen his work.  He has skill and has a gifted photographer’s eye.  My friend also has a very high level of responsibility to his work and selflessly serves the many people in his life.  This is both his gift and his Achilles heel.

As our conversation continued, my friend asked me, “How do you find time to do all the things you love to do?”  This question got me wondering for myself and here are four things you can do to help you move closer toward living your creative passions each and every day.

1. Establish creative goals.

Take a moment to make a list of the things you want to accomplish.  This may seem elementary and you may think, “Making a list makes sense.”  But do we do it?  For the past couple of years, just after the first of each year, I have posted here a list of things I want to accomplish in the year ahead.  In 2010, I published my list of 40 things I wanted to do in the year that I turned 40.  This year, I picked a list of 12 or 13 highlights that I really wanted to accomplish when it came to personal achievements and creative projects.  I didn’t finish all of the things on my list, but I can tell you I accomplished much more than what I would have had I not made a list in the first place!  When you write things down it gives your ideas and goals tangible form, transmitting those intentions into the Universe.

Just as you may find it easier to accomplish many goals at work because you have an annual development plan (an annual list of major projects to deliver against), you can also think about what you want to accomplish on the creative front and write those goals down, too.

2.  Find an Artistic Accountability Partner (AAP).

It’s one thing to draft goals, but it’s quite another to follow-up on them.  Returning to the work example above, the reason we accomplish goals from our annual plans is because we have to share them with our leader, and throughout the year, our leader follows up with us, checking in to gauge our progress.

A similar notion works in pursuing our personal goals, too.  Finding a fellow artist, revolutionary or friend with whom to share your goals and progress (and to support them in theirs) helps you build momentum in the creative areas of your life.  Establish agreements or checkpoints with your AAP based on your creative goals, sharing milestones in your artistic journey as they emerge.

3.  Calibrate and clarify your boundaries.

If you have interests and passions that are tossed to the wayside amidst the work projects, family duties, homekeeping responsibilities and social engagements, there may be an opportunity to calibrate your personal boundaries so they support your priorities at this moment in your life.  Specifically, if you find yourself bringing home work projects on too regular of a basis, ask yourself:

  • In 10 or 20 years from now, will you fondly reflect on that lovely afternoon in May when you holed up in your home and spent hours working on a report that wasn’t truly due for another week (but you chose to impose an accelerated deadline on yourself)?
  • In 10 or 20 years from now, would you prefer to recall that lovely afternoon in May you spent with friends that you captured in engaging candid photographs you took, photographs that recall the happiest moments on the simplest of days, that afternoon you blended fun activities with your passion for photography?

Frame up a meaningful question for you that connects to your personal passion and write it on an index card.  Keep the card handy to remind you of what is important to you, of your creative goals.  This can also be helpful for the next action…

4.  Make different choices.

The bottom line is that we are ultimately the ones making choices about how our time is used.  We can use our index card or Artistic Accountability Partner (AAP) to help remind us of our priorities, but we must realize that when we say, “Yes!” to something, we are saying, “No!” to something else.  Are your yes and no choices reflective and supportive of your creative goals?  What are you willing to say “No” to so that you can say “Yes” to doing something related to your creative passion?  Are your choices moving you closer to living your passion (even in small doses) each day (or farther away)?

This is both the good and the bad news: We make our own choices about how we spend our time.  The challenge comes when we realize that to be effective and productive, we have to consciously make each choice about how our time is used  to ensure our choices balance our responsibilities (which rarely recede or wane) with living our passions!

These choices can also range in scope.  You don’t have to quit your full-time job and open a yarn store to pursue your passion for knitting.  Instead of staring at the TV while you’re watching the morning news for 30 minutes before you get ready for work, pick up needles and yarn and knit a bit while you watch the news.

If your passion is photography, set artistic dates with yourself to go on photo shoots around town and experiment with your craft.  Keep your camera with you always and think of yourself as documentarian, an archivist of meaningful moments in a life well-lived.

By giving yourself the space to reach clarity about your passion and what you want to accomplish, you can make different choices each and every day that contribute not only to your responsibilities but also to your passions.  If you find yourself saying, “I have to dust,” or “I have to have dinner with ___” but you would rather be doing something creative that feeds your soul, consider restating sentences that begin with “I have to” with “I choose to.”  Say, “I choose to dust.”  ”I choose to have dinner with ___.”

By starting sentences with “I choose to,” we take responsibility for everything we are doing and there is no one we can blame.  By starting sentences with “I choose to,” we are reminded that at any given moment we have choices – choices we alone make – and those choices can ultimately lead us toward living our passions more and more each and every day.

A surprise gift brings inspiration

22 May

I woke up last Thursday and, much like I do each morning, I made myself a cup of coffee and sat down with my iPad to review Facebook, Twitter and news of the day.  I saw that I had a new message in Facebook from Peter Brown, owner of Woodfield Ranch, a small alpaca farm in Eustis, Florida.  I visited Woodfield Ranch last year (read about my visit here) and was gifted with a large bag with an entire fleece from one alpaca at the conclusion of my visit.

The cryptic Facebook message piqued my curiosity:  ”Brian, Please give me a call. I have a gift for you that I know you are going to love. Peter”

I arranged to meet Peter earlier this afternoon and the gift he presented to me was two bags containing a full shearing’s worth from  one of their younger alpaca males, Newton.

Some may balk at my excitement, wondering what enjoyment I could get from two large bags full of alpaca fiber.  Indeed, as a spinner of yarn, I find great excitement in this rare gift!  As I put my hand into one of the bags and felt the amazing plush serenity of Newton’s fine coat, I not only relished this particular gift, but also had another epiphany at that moment.

In order to spin fiber that comes in its natural form like this, one has to either comb it or card it (and carding may be done by hand or by using a drum carder).  Upon realizing that I now have a total of three large bags of alpaca fleece, I knew that the next step in my yarn spinning journey is to get a drum carder so that I may properly prepare the fiber and spin it into a finished product.  Certainly the fiber’s beauty is evident:

But there is far too much fine alpaca fiber in my collection to simply sit in a bag – I now have the inspiration to get the proper tools needed to be able to spin this fiber (which, ultimately, will then open up opportunities for spinning other yarn from raw fibers directly from the farm).  Accomplishing this will realize one of the goals I set out to accomplish when my fiber arts journey began in 2008 – to see a project from fiber to finished object.  There is something endearing, nostalgic and inspiring about taking a raw fiber through its multiple preparations to get it ready for spinning, then spin it into a beautiful yarn, and ultimately knitting it into a beautiful finished object.  Much like the pioneers of another era did, taking something from nature that does not create harm or injury, and transforming it into a useful material with which to make something useful, something beautiful, is part of this experiment of mine, this knitting lifestyle.

Every day when I sit in my armchair, I see my spinning wheel – a beautiful Schacht Matchless wheel I bought last year.  I do continue to use it, but not with great frequency.  Receiving this wonderful gift of beautiful fiber has reinvigorated my interest and passion for spinning yarn.  I’m looking forward to sitting down at my wheel once again this week, and now I’m searching for the right drum carder that will help me take my spinning arts to a new level in the future.

Any creative act or process requires stimulation and inspiration – and knitting or spinning yarn are no exceptions.  A new yarn or pattern may give me the right amount of inspiration to begin a new knitting project.  And a beautiful, thoughtful gift of an alpaca fleece is more than enough inspiration to reacquaint me with my spinning wheel once again.

To leave a legacy

15 May

My partner and I attended a performance of the Orlando Philharmonic last night and the opening musical piece was one written in honor of a well-known music teacher in the area who led all of the major children’s orchestras in Central Florida.  The piece was written by his brother, and three of his children performed in the 2nd children’s orchestra that was added to perform the piece last night.  His wife, who played his cello that was also his mother’s before him, was the featured cello soloist.  It was in his honor because he unexpectedly died just under one year ago.  The conductor, as he introduced the piece and the players, concluded with the affirmation: “That is legacy.”

Seeing that monumental display and hearing the conductor’s words, I began to ponder the concept of legacy, what it means, and specifically, what is the legacy I will leave.  Although I do not have children, I do try to embark upon each day with the intention of making a difference to someone.  I also think we often underestimate the value that one conversation can have in a person’s life.  The simple acts of assistance or kindness we may offer up may make an overly difficult day just that much easier for a colleague.  Taking time to affirm your love or care for a family member may be just what he or she needs to hear at precisely that moment.  Then, it came to me.

At this moment in my life, one of the legacies I am building is through the students to whom I teach the art and craft of knitting.  I’ve now been teaching knitting at The Black Sheep Shop in Orlando, Florida for about a year.  I’ve taught over 40 students in that time, each one with their own reason for learning, some more eager than others.  My most recent student, Amanda, is a cancer survivor, and wanted to learn to knit as a way to relieve stress.

In the short time we spent together, she had gained a new appreciation for the practice of knitting and took to it very easily.  I am looking forward to seeing where she takes her new found avenue for stress relief and creative expression.

I also think of other students I have had like Robby, who continues to share his knitting experiments and successes with me.  He has taken a strong command of knitting (and is already learning crochet as well) in a fairly short period of time, has experimented with stitch patterns and is increasing and decreasing with the best of us.  His exuberance when sharing his recent project or knitterly discovery brings me joy, and seeing his growing passion for knitting inspires me as both a teacher and a knitter.

Legacies don’t happen overnight.  They are very often not even evident until someone is gone, until the absence of their spirit illuminates the gap, the need, the lacking joy left behind.  So in this quest for considering what my legacy is and what it is to be, that is not my doing.  It is my intent merely to do my best always, do what I can to show my care and respect for others, and seize every opportunity I find to share my passions and interests with others.  In doing so, I trust that somewhere along the way, I will make a lasting impression or notable difference to someone just as so many have already, to date, done for me.

Why I do what I do

8 May

I’ve never been one to ponder the potential reactions of others in advance of stepping out and doing something I want to do, learning something I want to learn, cultivating a budding passion.  It is, however, a practice for me to reflect on my choices and put them in context when I do see the faces of surprised grandmothers when they see a man in a yarn store – teaching someone else how to knit.  I know that it may not have been a common sight in the 1940s, 50s or 60s but I believe it’s slightly more common now.  The handmade movement continues to grow and people are discovering a sense of empowerment amidst the nostalgic act of retracing the adept hand movements of our own mothers and grandmothers, learning a skill that helps us connect to our past, our family, ourselves.

On this warm, lazy spring afternoon in Florida, I find myself pondering why I have pursued the fiber arts (particularly knitting, spinning and soon, dyeing) with such persistence and fervor.  I have been known to “go through phases” of learning.  There was the French cooking phase.  The learn how to paint watercolors phase.  There have also been myriad experimentations of various religions and spiritual paths along the way.  So how was it that knitting became a lifestyle for me, an expectation as much as that first cup of coffee in the morning, a kiss from my partner before bed?  Why do I pursue this art and continue to find ways to challenge myself, while also taking time to share this skill with and cultivate it in others?

I’ll be up front and attest to the fact that there are personal benefits to the practices of knitting and spinning.  There is the sudden, almost metaphysical calm that consumes me after about 30 minutes of knitting or spinning at the conclusion of a busy day.  There is the ability of these acts to suspend my thinking, allowing me to become centered and focused on nothing more than what is happening in my hands with needles and yarn, what is transpiring in the present moment.  I can also choose to keep my hands occupied with either knitting or spinning, giving my mind the freedom to wander and process through the events, interactions and successes from the day.  Knitting is a unique relationship between knitter and project materials, and as the fiber alchemist brings together variables like yarn, color, pattern and texture, a mystical transformation occurs, a radiant knitted fabric evolves from the active digits flinging fiber.

Knitting and spinning, however, are not selfish acts alone.  At one point in history, having the skills of construction, or farming, or domestic arts such as sewing or knitting, were elements that contributed to survival from the colonies to the prairies to the western coast of this nation.  Today, it is simple to buy anything one needs, and so elevates the acts of spinning yarn from fiber, knitting a garment or decorative item by hand to art.  By learning and nurturing my knitting and spinning skills, I have been able to produce something of quality and beauty by my own hand.  With the finished objects, be they multihued skeins of handspun yarn that I present to a fellow knitter, or a knitted shawl to serve as a virtual hug to a friend or family member far away, I am able to use my skill to bring joy to others.

It is wise in today’s society to act in a spirit of gratitude on a daily basis.  I know that I am grateful for all that I have in my life and I know that many others are as well.  And I know that if I were to purchase a scarf in a store and give it to someone, they would be grateful and provide an amenable expression to signify as such.  However, when I can take yarn and needles and create a scarf customized in colors I know are of special liking or significance to the potential recipient, there is an element of the gift I eventually provide that cannot be duplicated by any purchased item.  As a knitter creating gifts for others, there is no greater joy I experience – not even that of simply finishing the project – than to see the eyes of a friend or family member light up at the sight of my artistic output and, upon realizing it was something knitted by hand for them specifically, the elation is often uncontainable.  Having a skill that allows me to create things that bring joy to others is a gift in and of itself.

Having these skills also allow me to teach others, to introduce interested pupils to better living through fiber arts, to transfer the skill and learning I have gleaned in the past few years to new generations of knitters who will then be able to share their talents and gifts with those who are special to them or to share with community members in need.  Seeing someone gain confidence in their knitting abilities and begin to pursue it with the same or greater passion for the art that I have gives me great satisfaction.  I love that I have a skill that, when shared with others, can create such confidence and joy, stress relief and inner peace.

It is for these reasons and many more that I am a knitter and a spinner of yarn.  People may wonder and question why I pursue these arts that, to some, appear outdated and antiquated.  That, frankly, is their issue to own, not mine.  And to those who are questioning my interest in this art I ask: What do you do that brings you all that knitting brings to me and also enables you to give as much back to others?  And to those who are searching, who are actively seeking ways to balance their hearts and minds, have something to do with their hands while watching television, or who are looking for a way to share a little beauty and joy with others, whether close friends or strangers, to you I say: Consider learning how to knit.  Regardless of your background, your life experience and any other element of personal identification, knitting is a skill that is easy to learn and once you do, the hours of enjoyment and satisfaction you can enjoy are beyond measure.

Reflections on the Royal Wedding

30 Apr

It was an event that brought back so many memories.  Watching the wedding of Prince William & Catherine Middleton, now Their Royal Highnesses The Duke & Duchess of Cambridge, I went back 30 years in memory to 29 July 1981, when I, as an eleven year old boy unhappy in his circumstances and social standing, stayed up all night to watch the wedding of Prince Charles & Lady Diana Spencer.  I recall the special event on the eve of the wedding, fireworks and other festivities broadcast on television.  I remember watching the procession, the arrival, and the many wonders of British pomp and circumstance of which I felt such a yearning to be a part.

That occasion sparked what has become a lifelong love of all things British, a fascination with British royalty and royal history, as well as all of the customs and traditions that come along with it.  It is color, pageantry and culture at its highest and finest.  And we have nothing like that in the United States of America.  We may respect a small sampling of our highest elected officials, but I dare say we do not have anyone in a leadership role in this country whom we revere and cherish, whom we admire and hold as a long-burning flame of consistency, compass of tradition and who inspires hope for the future.  We do not have any institution close to being the level of the monarchy in the United Kingdom, and so  special celebrations as I witnessed yesterday are particularly exciting to me.

I’ve always had a compelling interest in royalty and always wished I was of that breed.  Growing up, I would imagine myself a prince, making public engagements and living a life of opulence and national service.  I found great chagrin when I discovered that my family heritage, though traced to Cork County, Ireland, had no family crest.  While in high school, I provided a psychic with a personal item from which she garnered vibrations and impressions.  This was the wife of someone with whom my father worked, so I never spoke to her personally and she knew nothing about me.  When I received her handwritten notes about what she experienced when getting in tune with what I had provided her, she shared that, in a past life, I had been a prince!  It was a boon to my fantasy, though what good did royal status in a past life do me?

While I watched the grandeur of the royal wedding yesterday, and listened to the Dean of Westminster and the Archbishop of Canterbury give their introductory comments about the institution of marriage, I wondered what it would be like to view such splendor in the celebration of a same-sex relationship, two men or two women joining together in the eyes of the world to be celebrated, honored and revered for their leadership and their love for each other.  Despite my joy for Their Royal Highnesses, I felt a pang of disdain that still, in the United States of America, as well as many other nations around the world, gay and lesbian people are still treated poorly, abused both physically and emotionally, and continue to be denied the right to marry.  Because I do not attend many weddings, it had not become as evident to me until yesterday when I realized that, although I celebrated along with the world for the happy couple, I also took a moment to pause and remember that there are millions of happy couples in this and other countries that are denied the right to marry and to be legally recognized by their governments, my relationship that will be of 10 years this July being one of them.

The day, however, was one of joy, nostalgia and celebration for me.  My partner and a friend joined in the fun at 4 a.m. while we enjoyed lemon-ginger and cream tea scones with Devon cream and lemon curd or blackcurrant jam, English Breakfast tea, and later, a second course of scrambled eggs with English cheddar cheese, sausages and sauteed mushrooms.  It was a wonderful morning and by watching and re-watching the BBC America coverage of the special event my love and admiration for the British royal family and my respect for functional governments under constitutional monarchy were inspired and reignited once more.

No Lilies on the Porch

16 Apr

This morning, on the heels of a late night at a Lady Gaga concert, I woke up early to attend a portion of the UCF Book Festival at the University of Central Florida campus.  A mixture of exhibit hall, author panels, book signings and readings, this event is incredible.  Only in its second year, the festival is free and open to the public.

The keynote speaker of the day, Maxine Paetro, talked about her career and the auspicious events that led to her extended collaborative partnership with James Patterson.  One piece of feedback from James she received at an early point in their relationship was: “Every sentence needs to be a true sentence.  There will be no lilies on the porch.”  In essence, this says that the written word, in this case, fiction, can’t afford to have extra words or phrases, elements that do not add anything to the plot line, the conflict, the story or the emotional connection to the reader.  Sentences such as, “There were lilies on the porch” are often just such an unnecessary phrase.

I thought about my own writing, as well as the challenge I see many others face in their writing endeavors, particularly in the work environment.  Often, people forget to edit – they put their thoughts into an e-mail as if they were chatting with an old friend, never even going back to proofread, let alone tighten up the language and ensure proper word placement. This also made me think about my own writing and to what degree am I being succinct, clear and “true” in my written expressions.

When it comes to my written creative work, I found the statement, “Every sentence needs to be a true sentence,” a chilling, effective mantra.  With the completion of each and every sentence, taking a moment to ask myself if it is a true sentence that provides depth, illuminates meaningful details in an authentic manner, and if not, edit accordingly.  This was a very valuable and easy to recall motto that I took from Mrs. Paetro’s dialogue.

In an age of texting and tweeting, we pare our phraseology down but using abbreviations and emoticons, not the analysis and alteration of language, using the science of placement, sound and momentum to understand the best way to arrange a true sentence.  As a writer, I see making every sentence a true sentence my own personal challenge.

In another panel featuring Tayari Jones, the topic of the writing process emerged and something she said resonated with me at this particular point in my writing journey.  ”If it’s easy, you’re not pushing yourself enough.”  To this point, I think I have rushed, or did good work but not my best work.  By pondering each sentence, understanding its context to the bigger point I am making, ensuring it is a “true sentence,” I believe that the analysis will occur, the critiques will sharpen, and the work will be quality like I’ve never produced before.

An Act of Patience and Persistence

10 Apr

I have been working on the same scarf for nearly two months.  It is a twelve-row repeat pattern and I’m using yarn made in Alaska that I purchased in Skagway during my trip there last fall.  It is wool in a variegated colorway of oranges, reds and browns, earthen hues being some of my favorite.

Now, In the past couple of months, I’ve also learned of my acceptance to graduate school in the fall, so that has consumed a great deal of brain power as well as time researching various things that need to be arranged, filed or organized in advance of starting school in August.  No excuses, here.  Just acknowledging reality.

The past few days, though, have witnessed me demonstrating a renewed knitter’s force.  With any opportunity while watching television or engaging in other time-wasting activities, I divert and pick up my scarf again.  I’ve now reached that point where I think to myself:  I just want this project to be done so I can start something new!

This is not the first time I’ve told myself such exclamations.  While working on other scarves or knitting projects, I have found myself growing impatient with each row, wanting nothing more than to finish the item in progress.  And this is what I have learned about lengthy knitting projects:

Finishing a lengthy knitting project requires patience.

Whether a blanket, shawl, scarf or other knitting project of notable size, there are going to ultimately be a lot of repetitive stitches or rows, elements of the pattern continuing to crop up to the point that, sometimes, a pattern isn’t needed because it has been memorized through repetition.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that the act of knitting is not only about finishing – it is, in large part for me, also about the process, the experience of knitting that allows me to use it as a method for calming, centering and relaxing after a busy day fulfilling life’s other obligations and demands.  Be cautious to get focused solely on the getting finished; it will make for a long project and I doubt that line of thinking will give knitting the freedom to bring you as much joy as it potentially could.

Knitting lengthy projects requires persistence.

In addition to taking a lengthy project one stitch at a time, a knitter also needs a good dose of persistence.  Once you are 2/3 of the way into a scarf pattern, you have to find the drive from somewhere deep within you to carry on in the pattern until you have woven in the last end.  To me, if you don’t fully complete a project, the work that remains unfinished was a waste of time, effort and resources.  It is not usable or functional if it is not finished.  After you’ve gone so far, my knitterly folk, please finish your projects!

Ultimately, patience allows us to enjoy the process of knitting a project of any size or length, while persistence gives us the wherewithal to complete the project.  Our joy as knitters may be found in the process of knitting a special handmade item for someone, and our persistence pays off when we see the joy our handmade gifts bring to others.

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